Monday, November 2, 2009

Autumn Daze

For some reason, I've really been overwhelmed this last week with love for Baby. I know that must sound funny to say, but as a mom sometimes we forget the little things like stopping to watch them play and learn how their mind works simply by the way they communicate with us. I get so involved with the day to day minutia at times that loving Baby seems so second-nature I forget that I need to be intentional about it. This week I have.

I have watched her sleep and loved the way her eyes flutter as she dreams and I was sitting in bed next to her when she talked in her sleep this morning (just like Roomie). I laughed out loud and almost woke her up. Yesterday, she was walking around the house looking for something when she noticed I was watching her, so she smiled, waved and walked on. I followed her and she made it a chase, which ended with us both on the floor, tickling, laughing and long sighs of happiness exuding from us both.

I love when she lets me tickle her. I mean, there are times that she laughs when I touch her and there are times that I'm really tickling and she can't help it, but there are times when she sits and waits for me to tickle her and her laughter suggests that it really isn't the tickling that delights her, but just that she relishes the connection. She loves all the physical touch and she loves that we are playing together. Little girls need lots of love and I'm happy to give it to her.

Baby still nurses and though she's eating more of my bread and raw whole foods, I think it's her one-on-one time with me that she finds most important. Her eyes follow me and even when I know she isn't eating, she just strokes my face and croons out happy noises and nods her head when I ask her if she loves Mommy. My favorite is when she climbs across my body while she's nursing and I start to nibble her toes... and she laughs. I can hear the struggle: she wants to laugh, but she doesn't want to drop her latch. It's absolutely beautiful to see her joy.

When we were at Nanna and GrandDad's in Oahu last week, she started becoming fascinated with finger snapping. Roomie and I were putting her to sleep last night when she finally made a noise snapping. Her little fingers had been trying to figure it out and it was this brief moment where one of her little snaps made noise... then Roomie and I made a whole lot of noise congratulating her. She was so proud of herself.

I adore that she is so social. I'm not. There are so many things I see in her that are representative of myself but this is one thing she really got from Roomie: a love for people. Grocery shopping used to be a pretty lonely experience, up and down aisles looking for things, grumbling through line and racing home to throw things in the fridge. Now, it's "hi" to the lady near the raw fruit bars, "hiya" (aren't I so cute?) to the guy next to the kohlrabi in the fridge, and big hammy smiles to the lady looking at the coconut oil. Which leads into conversation about whatever little people they have in their lives and a complete absent mindedness about the chilled items in my cart. Baby is 16 months and for the first time this last week was held by one of my best girlfriend's husbands. Walked over, hands up... the "I want to see eye-to-eye with you" kind of hold. I was across the building, but I knew what she was saying: "you are finally okay with me, buddy".

I've had to stop and laugh at my little person who fights me for the phone, my purse and has a fascination with my lip balm. The mimicry is really comical.

She's so beautiful, so loving, so happy and brings me so much pride. I think it's time I go curl up with her...

1 comment:

Nicole said...

Cailin, I adore you so much. I admire, so deeply, and in some ways am jealous of your unconditional love towards your child. You're such a natural mothering woman I hope some of your gentleness rubs off on my rather assertive nature. . . I am so blessed by you.