Quick Rant

Caitlin is not Cailin. Period. Caitlin means "pure", it is a nickname that comes from the Greek name Katherine. Cailin means "little girl" and it is an original Gaelic name. Please don't confuse the two. Honestly.

William Carlos Williams

This is just to say
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

Debarred of Rest

As I wait for the timer to tell me to take my Cardamom Oatmeal Banana Bread from the oven and I nervously stall waking my husband who, in short, could use a little shut-eye, I was reminded of Shakespeare's 28 Sonnet:

"How can I then return in happy plight
That am debarred the benefit of rest,
When day's oppression is not eased by night,
But day by night and night by day oppressed,
And each, though enemies to either's reign,
Do in consent shake hands to torture me,
The one by toil, the other to complain
How far I toil, still farther off from thee?
I tell the day, to please him, thou art bright
And dost him grace when clouds do blot the heaven;
So flatter I the swart-complexioned night,
When sparkling stars twire not, thou gild'st the even.
But day doth daily draw my sorrows longer,
And night doth nightly make grief's length seem stronger. "

Joshua works in excess of 80 hours a week, day in and day out, without a day off. He works under terrible management and even worse leadership. Oppressive, dominant, ruthless and power-tripping Type A individuals whose daily highlight is found in criticism and cutting morale. Watching him sleep peacefully on the floor of our dining room (where he found me when he got home), as he subconsciously listens to Celtic music and feels air conditioning for the first time all day, he is able to rest. Rest without a rude awakening or a crude conversation nearby. He is able, if for a short while, to forget the complaining echoes in ruminate in his mind all day and he is able to shrug off the bothersome monotony of lists of overwhelming work to achieve.

Just a moment longer, just breathe, sleep deeply, smell the fresh bread, feel the cool air reprieve and remember my vow to you: I will provide you with a retreat - a place of solace and rejuvination to give you a place to rest and find peace.

Now sleep and dream of the hills of Ireland. The bread timer will wake you when it's time to eat.

Pleasing Me

"If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased. " — Katharine Hepburn

I have recently come to the understanding that I sometimes forget about me. Not doing my nails or giving myself regular dates to the massage therapist, but remembering the very core essence of me, the thing that makes me tick, makes me smile, makes me laugh. I notice that when I neglect time to paint or to cook or to laze around and create, I forget to be comfortable with me. I am nervous, stressed, bitter or high-strung. Things that take priority in my life now are my two busy roommates that seem to not know that housework can be done by a male (who knew?) nor that at the end of the day, I really would prefer to not do laundry.

I love foodie magazines: Bon Appetit, Gourmet, Saveur, Gastronomica, Food + Wine, Art Culinaire, amongst others... I love the articles, the critiques, the descriptions. I am also a particular fan of those elusive photographers who also do their own food styling and it is in visual evaluation of their work that makes me dig through the bills in my inbox to find my next issue. Something about the transcending value of food is so essentially undervalued in our society. I recently read in my Gourmet magazine a statistic that read: "One in five Americans live on a diet of ten foods or fewer. Among the most common choices? French fries, fried chicken, chocolate chip cookies and Kraft macaroni & cheese" (Gourmet, July 2007). Oh ew, people! When there are caramel peach choux to be eaten or German pannakuchen to be savored or warm potato salad with apple-smoked bacon to be eaten slowly under an Indian summer sky?

I have found a fond appreciation for names. I enjoy reading through the editorial list in magazines or watching the end of the movie to watch the credits roll to watch all the new, deliciously varied and ingenious names that roll of the tongue or stop you short and make you cock your head wondering if you are pronouncing it right. Those names are noted with the hope of being paired with the presence of my future children. As my husband was 'blessed' with the name ranked within the top 5 in popularity for the last 25 years, and I, having never met another with my name, have decided to bless our children, with odd, quirky, unpronounceable and otherwise unique and beautiful names to make our offspring stand apart.

I also like speaking my mind. I'm blunt, straight-forward, unaccommodating and in some cases, rude. I like free-flow brainstorming, random journal entries, and thinking aloud. Now where is that messy roommate? I have a few words for him..

Just Do It

I have concluded to adopt a new life philosophy: Nikeology. Also known as the nine million dollar marketing slogan: "Just Do It". On an aside, I am still a little unsure why it took a whole team four months to come up with that simple and direct phrase, but that is why they are laughing their way to the bank and I still drive a 1995 Honda.

I have decided I am procrastinator extraordinaire, a woman with an excuse for everything, a hypochondriac and most importantly, I am a lady of lists. If I have written it down to not forget it, I will most assuredly remember to not do it, because I have written it down.

So my list looks something like this: refurnish the sofa, reorganize and close out the financial books from 2006 (hey, at least I filed my taxes in January), make some sense and order out of my storage shed, and overcome my fear of the back of the closet. I do make time for these things, and then I am overwhelmed with the prospect of doing them. So they remain on my list, where I feel safe and secure.

Most recently, this new adoption of "Nikeology" as I fond of calling it, is helping me with things I don't want to do: clean out my fridge, handle admissions deferrals at work, go for a run after sitting in rush hour traffic. Now, I'm just going to do it. Do it sooner than later and don't put off anything until tomorrow which you can do today (Thanks for the reminder, Jefferson). Of course there is always Mark Twain to remind us "never put off until tomorrow that which you can do the day after tomorrow". What a sense of humor he has. That seems to be the personal mantra of the gentlemen I live with. Can anyone else tell that I am in a severe predicament?

Taking a Break

So I took a term off. Did I mention that? Today is the first day of classes since I took off a half-semester and I'm finding it difficult to remember what I did to occupy those eight weeks of freedom in the beginning of the summer. I'm sure I had fun and I know I relaxed. I know that I took time to plant flowers and tend to my garden.

Of course that flower now sits on my cubicle desk under the same blue glow of the halogen lights as I nervously wait for it to open and show me what flower it is. I remember sowing poppies, zinnias, dahlias, and a random assortment of bachelor's buttons and wildflowers. This blue pot that has dragonflies on it only has one variety in it, that much I am sure. There are four swollen buds on them and I'm sure they will open soon. I want to be sitting right here watching it happen. I would hate for it to be a particularly lovely day outside and for them to open with no one to see it and then to wilt from the exhaustive sun rays and me not be able to save them with a tall glass of water. I'll make sure I'm watching my plant so if it does take the opportunity to open I'm here with my eyes wide and my jaw dropped, crooning and cooing over its arrival. I think they will be lovely, whatever it is. It looks now like they will be pink or red or orange... the bud is starting to hint at some amazing colors. Whatever it is it will be completely girly and that will suffice enough to get me through this next term. At least for this plant, I can see time passing and know my time off was well worth it.