Organic Shampoo Review

I regularly rotate out which shampoo I use. After one bottle is empty, I switch so that my hair does not become accustom to a particular formula. As Joshua and I have recently switched to all organic, that has had an effect on which body care solutions we use as well. Here are a couple of my favorite shampoos.

• Nature's Gate: Herbal Daily Shampoo - - this one has become my favorite. It handles my weekly swimming routine well without letting my hair feel chalky in the shower and it removes the grease that Joshua is familiar with while working on the ship. This herbal blend draws on properties from chamomile, lavender and sage which offers a pleasant clean aroma and the lavender also doubles in aromatherapy for stress relief, which is a nice reprieve in the morning before work.
• Nature's Gate Organics: Asian Pear and Red Tea Shampoo - - this one is my favorite if I'm not swimming. I happen to get a little more tangle out of the shower with this one, but the smell is fabulous. This shampoo is more appropriately formulated for color-treated hair, which though I haven't had my hair colored in over a year, preserves the shine well and offers an extra brightness to my blond highlights.
• Alba Botanica: Hawaiian - - this is the only type available at my grocery store by this company, though they do have other varieties. This particular blend is thicker than the other botanical organic blends I have used previously. It lathers particularly well and the smell instantly transports to the bottom of a waterfall in the tropics. Macadamia oil, pineapple, kelp, awapuhi, and kukui nut attribute their natural properties to this mix and I am growing increasingly fond of this blend while the weather is changing to be drier. With the cooler weather coming, my finer hair tend to get really prone to splint ends, but I do not foresee this being a problem with this blend. [Blogger's Note: Alba Botanica also offers an organic Kukui Nut Body Creme that is rich, silky and a great nut-smelling alternative to a former favorite of mine The Body Shop's Brazil Nut Body Butter, which is too mainstream and completely non-organic, though the nuts themselves are community traded.

Pumpkin Season Begins Tomorrow!

I LOVE Autumn. When it is cool outside, the fire is crackling, there is warm spiced cider, chai, or gluhwein on the stovetop and fresh bread in the oven, when it becomes officially sweater weather and you can see your breath when you leave the house for work in the morning, I'm in heaven.

Tomorrow's my birthday and the first day of pumpkin harvest season. How excited am I to finally get FRESH pumpkin?! YAY!

Cailin Coincidence

Just on a random aside, let it be known that my birthday, October 1st is also World Vegetarian Day. How wonderfully serendipitous is that? So not only is my favorite food (pumpkin) widely commemorated beginning October 1st, which is the beginning of it's harvest season, but also it is Vegetarian Awareness Month? Oh, I love it.

[Yes, that's me sitting in a pumpkin patch. That was taken last October on my annual "Autumn Day" where the first apple pie is made, the pumpkins are selected and the first batch of freshly pressed cider is brewed on the stove after a great day tromping through pumpkin patches and bumping around on hay rides. Think of all that amazing fresh air I get, while searching out the amazing pumpkin!]

Just in Case...

... you didn't hear me screaming: Joshua has been approved for an early separation from the military. We can finally start our civilian lives together without scheduling in duty days, underways, deployments, sea trials, fast cruise, etc. We can now be full time students, with regular jobs that don't require holidays, weekends, mandatory overtime and unsanitary and unsafe working conditions. We can safely celebrate our anniversary, our birthdays and seemingly trite holidays (ie Valentine's Day) with the full peace of mind that he will actually be home to celebrate them.

After 2101 days of painful servitude, Joshua will turn in his radiation detector and say "so long" to the wretched USS Homewrecker!!

Looking for Green

It is my Friday lunch hour and as it is so dreary and rainy outside and I already tried braving the weather for my morning one miler, I decided to set up shop inside today and surf the web for something green. Here's where I spent my time:

• ideal bite: a sassier shade of green offering tips and tricks to live a more "green" lifestyle
• Honeybee Gardens: all body natural products for men and women
• Terrapass: balancing CO2 emissions
• Green Festival: showcasing and teaching on eco-friendly living
• VegNews Magazine: for vegetarian lifestyles
• Planeterra: an adventure company for off the beaten path
• Green-e: a renewable energy certification company
• Organic Spa Magazine (online): connecting spa with sustainability
• Natural Home Magazine: making green homes chic

Surf's up!

Swimming in Bleach

In my pursuit of health, I'm finding a terrible inconsistency in what I say and what I do.

With some recent joint pain and weight gain, I have turned over to swimming as a great way to do my cardio workouts and still relieve the muscle soreness associated with such heavy pounding on the joints. However, I have to swim through chlorine. It is completely inadvertent, but I am finding with so many laps (at least 1500 meters), I am taking in quite a bit of water through my mouth, nose and on my skin. I swam last night and I still smell like that horrid chemical. I am noting my hair becoming more brittle, my skin drying out more rapidly, my throat hurting substantially in the morning and I am dry as a camel throughout the day. I am loving the exercise, but I need to pull away from the pool, else I fall victim to perhaps some serious damage.

For my throat, after my swims I am immediately drinking Throat Coat tea as well as half a liter of water to help flush the harmful fluids from my body. For my hair, I have started placing a thick organic conditioner on my hair prior to placing on my swim cap to help save my hair from the damage of the pool and then only rinsing my hair once I am back in the locker room after my laps. For my skin, I am also attempting to rinse off more thoroughly after I swim, but somehow I can not shake the smell. It's rather unprofessional to be sitting in the office at my desk and smell like a can of bleach and tooting the "all-natural" horn.

Any suggestions to help my skin while I pursue this short-term interest?

Shiver Your Timbers!

Yes, it is in fact International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Where do people come up with this stuff? Apparently two dorky guys decided this was a good way to celebrate their infernal geekiness and show up the likes of Johnny Depp, I mean, Captain Jack Sparrow, and show their pride for the eye patch, run and pegleg. Yes, they really do have a website and they really are on Wikipedia. Which, by all my extensive research means they are official and should be highly regarded by the rest of us, you know, civil society.

Had I known today was ITLAPD, I would have worn my hook, my stripped shirt and the most gargantuan captain hat I can find. Of course, a handkerchief underneath that three pointed hat was mandatory so lest we ruin the outfit by leaving that out I will need to remind the rest of you that it needs to be worn, tattered and smell like the high seas and faintly of rum.

So before the day is over, make sure you make like a pirate and say something ridiculous with the best accent you can manage.

Remembering my Eulogy

Last autumn I wrote my eulogy for class. It seemed morbid at the time but as I sat in my auto driving home from the pool I heard a song on classical radio that would remind me of something one would hear sung over the casket in memory of a lost one. I began to reevaluate what I wrote in that paper and how poignant it was at the time, how much it caused me to evaluate my actions and behaviors toward people and thus, how I would want to be remembered.

I wrote three characteristics about myself that I thought stuck at the core of who I am. I wrote about my relationship with Christ and how I reared my children in His shadow. I wrote about the Davi Open Door... anyone was welcome, anytime for a bed or a meal and that we had many stories to share on account of that policy. I wrote about how every circumstance and setting was an opportunity to learn and to share about experiences that helped me grow. I wrote about how I was honest, sometimes brutally so. I could share my heart, bare my soul or tell one honestly "yes, that dress does look good on you". I wrote about my children by name and talked of how they emulated a few characteristics in seeking wholesomeness and openness in which I would encourage them daily.

I poured out my heart and added quotes from books I was inspired by and used verses that served as my staples through my journey. I addressed all the common tales of eulogies, but somehow only received a B. Perhaps this year I should try it again. Perhaps now I know myself better.

Waste Not, Want Not?

In my deliberate transition from heavily advertised "normal" items (cosmetics, toxic cleaners, processed foods, etc.) to a more healthful approach, I am cringing against my frugal thrifty nature and Dutch heritage, which doesn't let you throw ANYTHING away, to completely rid my home of chemicals and toxic items. I cleaned my bathrooms for the first time yester-evening with my new biodegradable products and ... [there are no words].

I have always had a reaction to chemicals. When cleaning the house growing up, I used to complain I wasn't feeling well and I think perhaps my mother thought I was faking in order to get out of housework, but in fact it has only gotten worse as I've gotten older. I now have to wear a handkerchief over my mouth and nose when cleaning the bathrooms with the poor ventilation and aerosol cans, abrasive bleach cleaners and sprays that made me nauseated. I have learned to stall in cleaning the bathrooms, as my skin gets sensitive and red and my lungs burn and my nose and mouth begin to react to all the sensory over-drive that occurs with the inundation of chemical smells in such a small space. I began to accept this reaction as normal.

As I cleaned my house last night, I sprayed the mirrors, counters, and cabinets and the smell was so faint, I began to wonder if it was working. As I began to see the soap scum come clean and the windows be streak free, I wondered why I was left in the dark about the availability of these products for so long. I opened the new scrub for the shower stall and tub and began to doubt if the amount in the container could handle the task I was about to give it: my brother's shower. As I gingerly tapped into the resources, I noticed I had completed a whole half of the shower without reaching for more. Usually this was the part I hated the most as the powder abrasive cleaner would become airborne as I was dispensing it and I would have to breathe in the bleach as I was leaning over the tub to scour the walls. Again, this was completely not the case. The all-natural cleaner was made from ground cherry pits and the smell was faint, but pleasant and I was able to clean the space completely with only minimal cleaning agent. I noticed after I rinsed the walls my drain wasn't clogged with all of the product filling the basin of my tub like it was previously. I was amazed at what a small environmental footprint I was leaving from the cleaning of my bathroom.

I ran water to create an all purpose solution to wash the floors and walls, doors and shelves and after I finished and my water was brown from all the filth I had lifted from my bathrooms, I walked out my door and down my steps to the lawn and freely dropped my brown water into the soil, as my product manual encouraged me to do. I could never have done this before as my all purpose cleaner was filled with contaminants and phosphates that would likely have killed the poor crape myrtle tree I watered. I decided I was having too much fun to stop, so I threw my shower curtains in the laundry and used the new cleaner, of which I only needed a half a tablespoon and as my curtain was only mildly soiled, I placed it on the gentle setting and pulled out bright, clean fabrics after the cycle was completed.

I am positive that the only downside from these new products is the amount of time I now spend cleaning my house, which might have an effect on how much time I am spending with Joshua or at the office. Speaking of which, I have a very sensitive nose and with office cubicles being in such close proximity, if a coworker slathers on a particularly strong scented lotion or decides to clean their desk with a spray all purpose cleaner, I have to leave my office. I am instantaneously sick to my stomach and I get light headed, followed usually by a migraine. I brought in my new counter cleaner, which is 99.9% water and cleaned off picture frames, lamps, counters, computer hardware without so much as a sneeze from all the dust that had been happily accumulating in my workspace. A coworker walked over and noted that she wasn't aware that I was cleaning because she didn't smell anything. Welcome to the new era.

Waste not want not? Absolutely not. I threw all my old stuff in a box by my front door. Harsh abrasive cleaners, bleach, syrupy fabric softener, phosphate filled cleaners and laundry detergent, dish soap, dishwasher powder, oven cleaner, sticky surface cleaner and carpet stain removal all got nicely put in a large recyclable box. I called my brother who just moved into a new apartment and asked if he was in the market for some products. His response? "No thanks, I'm switching to whatever you're using". There you have it.

Introduction: JMLD

Born in southeast Texas and raised on a ranch influenced greatly the dietary norms of this southern boy. Red meat was not just something to eat; it was what we ate. A friend of mine once told me "Vegetables are what 'food' eats", and, as a culture, my family lived that mindset everyday. At age seventeen I was a 6'2", 285 lbs. offensive lineman for my high school's football team. Large and in charge left me fat and depressed.

After graduation, I looked about me searching for a way to get a start in life. Few things in the Texas Golden Triangle appealed to me, and I knew that I lived in the type of town that people never leave. I finally decided to join the US Navy in search of adventure and purpose. Unfortunately I was nowhere close to the weight requirements. I had to get serious about more than my weight, more than my exercise habits; I had to get serious about my life, about my lifestyle. I was an athlete, per se. I knew how to work hard, play hard, and how to commit, but I lacked the tools and information that I needed to be successful in my plight to escape the Golden Triangle doldrums and get into a lifestyle of deeper and clearer, cleaner waters.

That is the purpose of this blog: to not only have a place for cataloging the information discovered, but also to provide a source of information for others who may read what Cailin and I have found for the enrichment of our lives. My wife and I have committed to a lifestyle of healthy living, starting with our diet and simple steps like recycling, but allowing that mindset to move beyond the everyday, beyond the ordinary. Many people, when they find out that my wife is a vegan, have asked her, "What do you eat?" Likewise when I say that I am an O+ carnivore, people assume that I am the same unhealthy and unhappy man that I was. Through this blog Cai and I want to shed light on the union of veganism and meat eaters to give hope to those who think that a healthy diet is unrealistic and unattainable.

A Moment of Silence

There should be a moment of silence everywhere for bearing exciting news and having it fall on unexcited ears. It is like that beautiful sunrise nobody sees or that sunset that gives you a warm chill but that you can't describe to anyone else.

I have this thought, this idea, this passion that I cannot detail and cannot relate, but desperately wish I could convey the excitement of, but to no avail.

Here comes the sunrise... alone.

Introduction: CLTD

I am a returning vegan after a three year sabbatical during which I married my Texan husband who turned me from my devout vegetarian ways and tempted me with antelope and strawberry glaze during our engagement dinner. I am an A+ blood type relying heavily on raw vegetables for my protein and much dedicated to the freshest possible produce to sustain my dietary needs.

Running track and playing basketball while maintaining a lacto-ovo free and meatless diet kept me in shape and fit in high school. Early college years were not as rigid in exercise routine and my veganism fell by the wayside after returning to the United States after living in Japan for three years. Fast forward five years and a recent doctor's visit found me over my body mass index (BMI). Aghast and horrified to be classified as "overweight", yet knowing it to be the truth, drove me to reclaim my health and longevity in better dietary standards and a routine exercise regimen. Now swimming twice a week and getting back into running and yoga, I am opening my mind to ideas that have evolved while I was out of the all-natural scene, including the thrive diet, the raw foods detox diet, blood type diet, as well as newer developments in vegetarianism that will help me adapt to a healthier me.

I am about as new as they come for the "green" ideals, but quickly gaining ground for lost time and bad decisions. Our home has recently has switched to all natural, biodegradable cleaners whilst trading out the toxicity that once reigned in our home. Fluoride-free toothpaste and aluminum-free deodorant are the new indicators of our strong dedication to our health as well as talking pieces when we are confronted by our friends. Searching out local co-ops and organic farmers have given us new understanding on sustainability and reducing carbon waste. Each day gives us new resources and new ideas that we are just bursting to share. Stop by our blog often and comment freely... we look forward to hearing from you!

Excitement!

It never fails. Just when you decide that life is yes finally slowing down, something happens. It's like watching the ocean's waves. You watch all the sand and sediments settle and then another wave comes and kicks it all back up again. I was just settling into a nice relaxing, low-key weekend where I had already decided things would be routine when a girlfriend calls. Oh so exciting! Here comes the wave: CRASH!

Summer in September or Indian Summer on Indian River

Summer is not my favorite. I've already written my Salutation to Summer and summer is still here. Now what?

Today is September 13th and the temperature is supposed to be in the mid-eighties. What gives? I am terribly fond of autumn and it is due to arrive in a mere 10 days, but alas, nothing. Just a blazing hot sun, wretched humidity, a car with no air conditioning and a dejected glance toward my sweater chest and all my favorite corduroy and wool skirts.

I work at Regent University on Indian River road and apparently they are still advertising summery photographs on their website. I feel like I'm experiencing Groundhog Day or the winter that would never end for the children of Narnia. In any regard, I feel like I'm being cheated of my favorite season as winter will inevitably come and Christmas will require I remove all my autumnal decor.

I have decided to take a stand and transform my home from fresh summertime colors to my harvest tones that help me feel as if I have arrived to that hallowed time of year. Feel free to stop by and get spiced cider and pumpkin bread, just remember your sweater, for I have turned my A/C down to mid-sixties to imitate the season. Let fall come!

Sign of the Times

Ready for a sign of the times?

My twenty-year old brother who can't remember to brush his teeth or do laundry at least once a month wanted to know how hard it was to buy a house. Mind you, Joshua and I just moved him into his first apartment this last weekend. He's never really been on his own before, no lease, no utilities in his name and he's never had a credit card but he figures it should be no biggy to buy a house.

If the sub-prime lending industry crash was any indication of the loan industry's ability to judge who can purchase and maintain a home then perhaps we have much to learn before we go through another economic housing crisis.

People: be scared. Be very afraid.

Sabbath

A friend of mine reminded me a while back about the importance of rest. It was confirmed the next semester when Joshua and I took a spiritual formation course together for our shared major and the main text was writing to individuals who do not spend enough time in repose. Life has its ways of speeding up until you either get caught speeding or you crash. I hope to be the earlier category, as I would rather be reminded than reprimanded.

Joshua and I have started observing one day of rest, a day of nothing. No business, no bills, no house work, no family issues, just kicking back and relaxing. This last week, Joshua worked through the weekend, but I was reminded of this concept and though we had moved my brother into his new apartment and had a slew of messes to pick up and reorganize, I spend the day in repose. I put Michael Becker in the stereo, lit a couple aromatherapy candles and enjoyed reading the August magazines I didn't get to pour over. Monday came, as it always does, a little too quickly, but I was rested and had found time to smell the flowers and trim back my rosemary plant and take time for me. As I loaded up my computer, I found a new email from a company I get daily quotes from and it said:

"How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward" — Spanish proverb

I couldn't agree more.

And now, a word from our sponsors...

Here is comes: my big plug for recycling.

I have a girlfriend from California who is neurotic about recycling. Joshua and I held a study in her home and when we were eating and laughing she would be furiously gathering the Coke cans together and making sure we didn't throw away any plastic silverware. Somehow I didn't quite understand what I do now.

I live right behind the most ridiculous spectacle on the Eastern Seaboard, a converted landfill that is now a park, and used to list on its website that "people come from all over the world to see this amazing site". Mount Trashmore, is by definition not in fact a mountain, as it only stands at 60 feet above sea level, not the required 2,000 feet, and hosts three vents to allow methane gas to escape from the hill's rotting masses. Rumor states that several years ago, lightning struck one of the vents and started a fire underground. All ridiculousness aside, they are producing it's twin: "MT. II" near my workplace to better utilize the space for the community now that it is covered in rot and ash from a converted Navy trash-to-energy plant.

The earth's resources are quickly be used and abused, as if there was an unlimited sum that we would never achieve. Unfortunately, that is not the case and we are quickly in need of solutions and recycling tops the list. Recycling helps convert used product into able resources so that existing natural resources are not depleted. Here are some examples:

• 1 recycled tin can would save enough energy to power a television for 3 hours.
• 1 recycled glass bottle would save enough energy to power a computer for 25 minutes.
• 1 recycled plastic bottle would save enough energy to power a 60-watt light bulb for 3 hours. (borrowed from UK Recycling Guide, 2003-2007).

Here are the fast facts about the garbage cans in your home:

• Up to 60% of the rubbish that ends up in the dustbin could be recycled.
• The unreleased energy contained in the average dustbin each year could power a television for 5,000 hours.
• As much as 50% of waste in the average dustbin could be composted.
• Up to 80% of a vehicle can be recycled.
• 9 out of 10 people would recycle more if it were made easier. (borrowed from UK Recycling Guide, 2003-2007)

Most people are not aware of the dangers of not choosing to recycle and how much more cost efficient and energy conscious it is to start recycling. For example:

• Aluminium cans can be recycled and ready to use in just 6 weeks.
• Glass is 100% recyclable and can be used again and again.
• Glass that is thrown away and ends up in landfills will never decompose.
• Recycled paper produces 73% less air pollution than if it was made from raw materials.
• Plastic can take up to 500 years to decompose.
• Up to 80% of a vehicle can be recycled.
• 70% less energy is required to recycle paper compared with making it from raw materials. (borrowed from UK Recycling Guide, 2003-2007)

The problem lies that most individuals don't know that the available resources are in their hands to take action now and that their action could have dramatic positive results. Turns out, the news isn't all bad, "in 1999, recycling and composting activities prevented about 64 million tons of material from ending up in landfills and incinerators. Today, this country recycles 32% of its waste, a rate that has almost doubled during the past 15 years" (Earth 911, 1996-2007). It gets better, "twenty years ago, only one curbside recycling program existed in the United States, which collected several materials at the curb. By 2005, almost 9,000 curbside programs had sprouted up across the nation. As of 2005, about 500 materials recovery facilities had been established to process the collected materials" (Environmental Protection Agency, 2007).

The truth is, for most Americans, recycling is as easy as sorting your trash while you are in your home and throwing your trash or recyclables in two separate bins. Most cities accommodate for recycling in their trash routes and do not charge citizens for recycling bin pick up. You can contact your local county about issuing you a recycle bin and adding you to the route and you can begin today to start avoiding the start of the new Mount Trashmore: Version 3.0 before the America Recycles Day which is right around the corner.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.

...And now to our regularly scheduled program.

I Shall NOT Be Moved

I am so sick of moving. Growing up, we moved a lot. Barring the four years I was home-schooled, I went to five different schools, not mentioning the fact I moved my senior year of high school. Before I got settled in the university I am currently attending and have a graduation plan set with, I attended six colleges. After middle school, we moved approximately every three years. Counting travel time, the amount of time you spend with your life in a box or your butt on a plane, I was established only about two years and nine months of that time. My family got used to making new friends and knowing that the ones we loved and had shared our lives with would eventually move as well.

I grew accustom to filling whatever position was necessary as my father was a pastor; it usually meant starting a youth group or a Sunday school class, teaching children's church, joining the choir, planning on spending my Saturday mornings volunteering during choir rehearsal in the nursery department. I remember always being at the ground-breaking ceremonies. Everything I joined, I had to start for it to exist. If we wanted a drama team, I needed to start one up. If I wanted kids in the church to play with, then I had to be part of organizing a youth group. With military rotations being what they are, the chapel setting was in constant fluctuation. I never got to be a part of things in their prime or at their peak of success. Well, rarely anyway.

I married a military man and knew that moving a lot was part of the package. When we decided (when we were dating, mind you) that he would be separating at the first available break in his commitment, I was delighted that we could finally be established. The friends we made would be friends to stay, and I liked it that way. We joined a church (New Life Providence) shortly after we were married and it was a much larger church than I've ever been associated with. Their college groups were healthy and thriving and there were plenty of life groups to choose from as well as they their own worship service just for that populous. I was tickled pink. Their music department was excellent and well developed and we were so glad to be able to be fit in to ministry in that capacity. But we were more happy to know that if we were to miss a Sunday, life would continue as normal. Having been the backbone for so long, it was nice to simply be a shoe; I could be used, I could be used another day, and quite frankly, if left alone for too long, I could be forgotten, which was not desirable, but part of the package.

We are looking to possibly renew our lease this February for the fourth time and if we do so, it will be the longest I have lived anywhere, ever. That's not really saying much. I know that we are enjoying our friendships, our church, our work and our community, but every time I think about moving, I hear Avril Lavigne in my head: "Went back home again, this sucks gotta pack up and leave again. Say goodbye to all my friends can't say when I'll be there again. It's time now to turn around, turn my back on everything" (Let Go, 2002). She alludes to being a mobile, always moving, never still, always adjusting, never stagnant. I can appreciate not being in still water, but it is frequently in those still waters where reprieve is found.

All this to say, a very dear friend of mine (my non-Joshua best friend) is preparing to move elsewhere for her husband's work. I wasn't prepared for that. I was so excited that finally we would live in one place for awhile, it didn't occur to me that others have the same option. Conversations are coming more frequently with references to that wretched event and though I have moved many times, this is something I am not ready for.

She and I have created one of those relationships that everyone dreams about but no one has. She and I met as fresh newlyweds in a Bible study we were both new in attending, and to put it kindly, we did not prefer one another. I seem to remember being at a barbecue for our music ministry and she had a foot cast and so we were the only two not swimming and since Joshua was out to sea (story of our lives) somehow conversation was started.

It all seems like ancient history now as we have grown closer than sisters, but I remember the night she called and told me she was pregnant. We attended our women's study for three whole months without telling a soul and what a great secret it was! I remember lazy afternoons while her husband was at school studying and Joshua was on duty or out to sea, she would come over and play cards or Othello with me and we would eat and laugh until the baby got the hiccups. She gave me a job at a farm when Joshua and I couldn't buy groceries, I worked at a petting zoo, sweeping goat poop and feeding bleating donkeys. I came home smelling like something fiercely disgusting, but it was a great bonding experience.


I remember being so tickled with the idea of hosting a baby shower that was themed around Fresh crepes and strawberries and our make-shift maypole. I remember feeding her what we can only call "pregnancy soup" as it had all those great foods you aren't supposed to give pregnant women. Needless to say, she went into labor that night, in retrospect, I did think it was odd that she left so quickly. I remember watching a slew of whiny women come in and leave before I got to hold her baby that early morning.

The summer ended and my birthday came: I asked for riding lessons and so through that cold, dreary winter and spring she and I would tromp out to the field and bring back the draft horse that I was to ride, saddle up and ride under the arena lights while the wind blew and we sat bundled up covered in horse hair and smelling like something one only has nightmares about. I don't think I'll ever pursue being an equestrian or that after she skips town that I'll ever step foot on a farm again, but I know that from my love of her, I enjoyed it.

Time has progressed and we have grown closer still, and perhaps that is the separation I am dreading. Our two trees have grown so close together, our roots have intertwined and are reaching nutrients from the same sunlight, the same soil and the same water table. Uprooting one tree will cause severe damage to the other. I have no excitement of the day in which that will occur. I know it is forthcoming and that has made be so funny lately. I have this irking twinge to pull away, disconnect, remove myself from their lives that I love so much. I know it isn't right, but it hurts so deeply to think of being so closely connected to someone you know will be removed from you.

We swam tonight, I didn't want to look her in the eyes or for her to see the hurt in mine. I did not want to share a lane at the pool, I did not want to talk, I did not want to hang about. I just wanted to swim and get our date over with. How terrible. All the way home all I could think was about the importance as a military family of utilizing every possible moment and savoring every opportunity. I'm crushed, I'll admit, but I know that this time will yet be sweet.

Tomorrow is a new day, a new opportunity to relish what I have and enjoy the remaining months before I break fresh ground with someone new. Of course, she will have much to live up to, and who knows? This may be the one relationship I get to keep, now that I'm established and all...

Psalms 16:8 says, "I have set the Lord always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved."